[ After everything, well-deserved rests included, Siffrin...
...
Still finds themselves drawn to the Observatory, though they can still imagine Tia's body where it was earlier this... no, yesterday morning, now. It's all cleaned up, as if it never happened, and they stare at the spot for a moment before going to lay out a star chart.
Nothing familiar, no, but it's still nice to look at. ]
[ Underground... Like a mole person. The ones Bonnie said they'd tell their sister stole vegetables from the garden, when it was Bonnie themselves for a snack. ]
[ Oh. That was nice of them, actually. Raising a kid they didn't even know. But it must be hard, Siffrin knows from experience, to find "home" someplace you don't belong.
... ]
I ran away from home once too, [ the memory brushing against their fingertips, vague and fleeting, ] but I don't remember why. Took a boat to sea and when I turned to go back, it was gone. So I just kept rowing until I found land. The people of Vaugarde are nice, but...
[They smile, distantly. It's not a particularly pleasant expression.]
The only reason I would go back would be for revenge.
There's an impenetrable barrier, trapping the monsters down in the Underground. They saw me as their future, because they believed I was going to be the one to break it.
[ So they didn't run away because they hadn't wanted to eat their vegetables, huh. Siffrin nods slowly from the side at that, then tilts his head as they continue.
... ]
That's a pretty big burden to put on a kid's shoulders.
Most of them had never met a human before. They only knew I was a kid because I was wearing a striped sweater.
[The one that they're wearing now, yes.]
And they'd never seen the sun.
There was a prophecy about how someone who had seen the surface would shatter the barrier and the underground would go empty. I can hardly blame them for being eager.
That makes sense! It also... reminds Siffrin of one of their family members, who had responsibility thrust upon her too. While Mira might've never used the word herself, if it was Siffrin... ]
... Do you resent it? Maybe not them, but... what they hoped you could be.
[ (You understand, after all. The weight. Mira's problems had been... more than that, but there was plenty that stemmed from her chosen status. You were never jealous of that, and you still aren't.) ]
[Realistically speaking, they probably should. Logically, they know that Asgore in particular pushed that role onto them, hoping it would inspire them, make them feel better. Hoping that it would galvanize his people.
The fallen child fulfilled their role.]
No.
It was what I always wanted to be in the first place.
[ Chara hadn't been very open to being touched... Would they have complied better with someone that wasn't human? Something to keep in mind, if it happened again. If.
But Siffrin nods at that, staring for a moment before perking up as if remembering something... shuffling around in their cloak before holding out a wrapped chocolate. ]
I don't need to be given treats for good behavior.
He was hardly the worst one. That would be the dragon. Or the cannibal. [Not that they really care about cannibalism, but they think calling someone "the cannibal" is a sufficiently devastating own.]
[ It's dark chocolate! With bits of candied orange peels. Fancy. ]
... Sorry. I didn't mean it in that way. I just think people deserve to get something nice after a terrible time, and you seemed like you were having as bad of a time as the angry guy.
[ Now with Yoonhee... It is different. ]
I don't think a dragon can understand someone's need for personal space. They seem, um. Bigger. And out of touch.
I have never been particularly enchanted with that excuse, to be honest.
[Maybe it's part of the typical human arrogance - but at some point the refusal to care about the needs of those that are "lesser" just becomes another form of chauvinism.]
is supposed to be kept in the Promenade, and in the Promenade they are kept. They've been switching between staring at the plaques and at the mirrors themselves, and it's the latter this time.
Quietly, boredly. There is only so much you can do in this room. They can see why Chu smashed these. Maybe napping would solve so much. ]
My partner had quite the talent for accumulating friends as well.
[They sit cross-legged on the ground.]
It irritated me for a while - but I couldn't help but become one of them after a while. [Siffrin is good at presenting in such a way that you wouldn't even be able to recognize the apathy that takes anyone who lives the way that they do.]
[ They are. They have to, so no one worries. Their family members...
... can be very observant, and Siffrin needs their lives to be perfect every
single
time.
Hearing about Chara's partner is nice though (you recall it from their profile), and Siffrin hums. ]
... I don't really think a lot about death now, since I've died so much. [ Normal looper things. There's no point in hiding the apathy from Chara or Homura of all people. ] But it's weird to think I won't be coming back this time.
[Even their low comedy standards aren't low enough for that.]
Think about it. If time is reset to the beginning of the week - including our bodies - then those who have died should come back from the dead and wake up like the rest of us. But if time resets and the mastermind - be that the clown or his goddess, takes those that died away somewhere to be reused after our number is lowered... then he suddenly has an infinite killing game.
Think about how he reacted to your sentencing, mocking us and begging for an emotional response.
My theory is this... that is what he or his goddess are feeding on - despair, grief, anger, moments of hope. He has no need to actually kill us permanently if that is the case.
[They nod, and there's a nasty smirk on their face as they point another thing out.]
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole "Oh no, you remember this time!!" act this week is part of the routine. If the game only continues for one week there is no time for us to form attachments, to truly feel the despair of losing people we've come to know.
If they let the players carry that grief into the next few weeks...
Then it keeps growing, and we're just mad at The Witch for "tricking us" in the first place. All while we're getting closer to each other, which is what he wants. [ A nod. ] We're basting ourselves.
Hard to prove, of course - but it is the only thing that really makes sense to me. Anything else feels like a pointless sadistic waste. [Siffrin's determination hasn't degenerated into the state that Chara's has, or that their partner's determination has - Siffrin is still materially attached to the people that they were with when they were alive.
Whether the theory is true or not, they distantly imagine that it would provide some comfort to know that death would not stop them from seeing them again.]
All we would have to do is wrest control from him. If I had access to the amount of power I had when he brought me here, I could take it immediately. Alas...
[ More than Chara knows, truly. They miss their family members so much. They'll miss the friends they made here, too. ]
... If I had that too, I think I could go toe to toe with him. Everything I earned in my loops I kept, strength wise. Even as my family members fell behind.
[ (Until you started to lead the way in more than just your trap-disarming footsteps.
But you never left them behind. You couldn't. You would stay with them, wanted to stay with them, even if it turned you into a monster to do so.) ]
It got harder to keep secrets from them. But I got better at acting, too.
Therein lies one of the fundamental differences between our situations.
[They inhale, their breath somewhere between a laugh and a shudder. It is cold. It reminds them of the icy grounds of the road between Snowden and Waterfall, where a skeleton tried to be their friend.]
I never directly interacted with any of them. They couldn't hear me, because I was dead. A voice without a body, with an audience of two.
[It wasn't the first time, of course - there were another two times when they took control. But they didn't hijack the game to the same extent - they relegated themselves to the background, only ever coming in at certain events, certain events that did not provoke any further thought as to where they came from.
And then they took control.]
I can't explain all the details - not without getting into a lot of things that I barely understand even now.
[It would be easy to go with that assumption - frame themselves as the hero that they initially wanted to be, proclaim peace and freedom for the people they once swore to liberate - but no. It is a matter of principle, however odd those principles might be. They are what they are.]
Not the barrier. We broke the barrier and saved them all a number of times - they always wound up right back where we all started.
I broke the cycle. So that there would be no more resets.
What a pretty lie. Then again, it was all pretty lies from the start. Nobody will ever understand - and they do not care to cast themselves as the demon in this final exchange with someone who is almost a peer.]
Once you eliminate the guard rails, anything is possible.
... Everyone in Vaugarde is kind, the sort that you'd worry about. Their doors don't have proper locks and anyone's invited in no matter who they might be. Useful for a traveler, but...
[ What if Siffrin hadn't been kind? What if he'd been someone who robbed them of all they were worth, then took off into the night? What if he'd killed them?
Naive, that's a word to use. But he's still grateful for their care. ]
Not exactly a normal place. I wouldn't say it's horrific, but it's... not always pleasant.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sat
...
Still finds themselves drawn to the Observatory, though they can still imagine Tia's body where it was earlier this... no, yesterday morning, now. It's all cleaned up, as if it never happened, and they stare at the spot for a moment before going to lay out a star chart.
Nothing familiar, no, but it's still nice to look at. ]
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[Chara folds their hands behind their back, standing up straight.]
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are a very quiet person, huh. Matchies. Siffrin turns his head to see them, then back down to the chart. ]
Kind of. I didn't know Tia like other people did, but it isn't the stars' fault she died.
[ ... It wasn't even Chu's fault, even if he was the cause of it... ]
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We all were.
[Their tone is about as neutral as it can get with their words being as cold as they are. Still, there's a quiet... resentment.]
The stars didn't have much to do with that either.
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They were. For some... sick amusement. Siffrin traces lines on the chart, ones that aren't there. ]
Yeah. They're pretty innocent, just... far away.
[ Cold, unfeeling, always watching.
(You hate the stars as much as you love them. Stupid, stupid, stupid.)
Siffrin'll unscroll another chart and set it beside the one they're working on. ]
... Wanna make up some constellations? We can look for them, too. I think these are the ones in season. The sky matches enough.
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They remember doing similar with Asriel, staring up at the sparkling crystals, listening to him fantasize about seeing the actual sky one day.
They approach anyway.]
Sure.
I'm not well studied on astronomy, admittedly. I spent a good chunk of my life underground.
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Why?
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I fell into a hole. The monsters were real, and they took me in. Raised me as their own. [But never one of them. They never fit.]
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... ]
I ran away from home once too, [ the memory brushing against their fingertips, vague and fleeting, ] but I don't remember why. Took a boat to sea and when I turned to go back, it was gone. So I just kept rowing until I found land. The people of Vaugarde are nice, but...
[ (... You feel like a tourist.) ]
Did you ever want to go back?
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The only reason I would go back would be for revenge.
There's an impenetrable barrier, trapping the monsters down in the Underground. They saw me as their future, because they believed I was going to be the one to break it.
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... ]
That's a pretty big burden to put on a kid's shoulders.
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[The one that they're wearing now, yes.]
And they'd never seen the sun.
There was a prophecy about how someone who had seen the surface would shatter the barrier and the underground would go empty. I can hardly blame them for being eager.
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...
That makes sense! It also... reminds Siffrin of one of their family members, who had responsibility thrust upon her too. While Mira might've never used the word herself, if it was Siffrin... ]
... Do you resent it? Maybe not them, but... what they hoped you could be.
[ (You understand, after all. The weight. Mira's problems had been... more than that, but there was plenty that stemmed from her chosen status. You were never jealous of that, and you still aren't.) ]
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The fallen child fulfilled their role.]
No.
It was what I always wanted to be in the first place.
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[ (You sure don't.) ]
It must be weird being around people again. Other humans.
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It makes it slightly more tolerable.
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But Siffrin nods at that, staring for a moment before perking up as if remembering something... shuffling around in their cloak before holding out a wrapped chocolate. ]
Here. For earlier.
[ It's important to reward good behavior...! ]
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[They furrow their brow, feeling like they're being talked down to.
Which isn't hard to do because they are very short. But all the same.]
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[ Specifically not good with it, rather than they don't like being touched. ]
Guess there's a couple of us like that. I just wanted to thank you for going along with Cain before. He means well, he's just mostly blind.
[ ... So to speak. ]
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He was hardly the worst one. That would be the dragon. Or the cannibal. [Not that they really care about cannibalism, but they think calling someone "the cannibal" is a sufficiently devastating own.]
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[ Sorry they'll get to the dragon in a second. ]
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They take the chocolate.]
You were the one that offered it. I simply reject the premise that this is the equivalent of tossing a treat to a dog.
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... Sorry. I didn't mean it in that way. I just think people deserve to get something nice after a terrible time, and you seemed like you were having as bad of a time as the angry guy.
[ Now with Yoonhee... It is different. ]
I don't think a dragon can understand someone's need for personal space. They seem, um. Bigger. And out of touch.
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[Maybe it's part of the typical human arrogance - but at some point the refusal to care about the needs of those that are "lesser" just becomes another form of chauvinism.]
By angry guy, I assume you mean Angelo.
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Yes.
[ So that's his name... ]
sat x2
is supposed to be kept in the Promenade, and in the Promenade they are kept. They've been switching between staring at the plaques and at the mirrors themselves, and it's the latter this time.
Quietly, boredly. There is only so much you can do in this room. They can see why Chu smashed these. Maybe napping would solve so much. ]
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[They arrive, their hands folded behind their back, standing up straight and polite.]
I figured I would visit. One anomaly to another.
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Siffrin perks up at Chara's approach, lifting their head from where they sit with
a small smile. ]
This anomaly's pleased to see you. I've, um, had quite the parade of people so far.
[ A... lot more than Siffrin would have thought, frankly. ]
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[They sit cross-legged on the ground.]
It irritated me for a while - but I couldn't help but become one of them after a while. [Siffrin is good at presenting in such a way that you wouldn't even be able to recognize the apathy that takes anyone who lives the way that they do.]
How are you feeling?
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... can be very observant, and Siffrin needs their lives to be perfect every
single
time.
Hearing about Chara's partner is nice though (you recall it from their profile), and Siffrin hums. ]
... I don't really think a lot about death now, since I've died so much. [ Normal looper things. There's no point in hiding the apathy from Chara or Homura of all people. ] But it's weird to think I won't be coming back this time.
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[Are you ready to hear their afterlife theories?]
That you won't be coming back, that is.
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... Oh???)
Consider Siffrin's attention Perked. Caught. Taken. Hello. ]
I've been all ears since I lost an eye.
[ Get it. Because their hearing's gotten... Anyway. ]
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[Even their low comedy standards aren't low enough for that.]
Think about it. If time is reset to the beginning of the week - including our bodies - then those who have died should come back from the dead and wake up like the rest of us. But if time resets and the mastermind - be that the clown or his goddess, takes those that died away somewhere to be reused after our number is lowered... then he suddenly has an infinite killing game.
Think about how he reacted to your sentencing, mocking us and begging for an emotional response.
My theory is this... that is what he or his goddess are feeding on - despair, grief, anger, moments of hope. He has no need to actually kill us permanently if that is the case.
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Still...
... Chara has a point. ]
So chances are... when one side "empties out", he switches to the other. Like an hourglass.
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In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole "Oh no, you remember this time!!" act this week is part of the routine. If the game only continues for one week there is no time for us to form attachments, to truly feel the despair of losing people we've come to know.
If they let the players carry that grief into the next few weeks...
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Then it keeps growing, and we're just mad at The Witch for "tricking us" in the first place. All while we're getting closer to each other, which is what he wants. [ A nod. ] We're basting ourselves.
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[They smile.]
Hard to prove, of course - but it is the only thing that really makes sense to me. Anything else feels like a pointless sadistic waste. [Siffrin's determination hasn't degenerated into the state that Chara's has, or that their partner's determination has - Siffrin is still materially attached to the people that they were with when they were alive.
Whether the theory is true or not, they distantly imagine that it would provide some comfort to know that death would not stop them from seeing them again.]
All we would have to do is wrest control from him. If I had access to the amount of power I had when he brought me here, I could take it immediately. Alas...
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... If I had that too, I think I could go toe to toe with him. Everything I earned in my loops I kept, strength wise. Even as my family members fell behind.
[ (Until you started to lead the way in more than just your trap-disarming footsteps.
But you never left them behind. You couldn't. You would stay with them, wanted to stay with them, even if it turned you into a monster to do so.) ]
It got harder to keep secrets from them. But I got better at acting, too.
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[They inhale, their breath somewhere between a laugh and a shudder. It is cold. It reminds them of the icy grounds of the road between Snowden and Waterfall, where a skeleton tried to be their friend.]
I never directly interacted with any of them. They couldn't hear me, because I was dead. A voice without a body, with an audience of two.
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That's what it sounded like, but... having it confirmed is different.
Homura's always reset on a specific date. Yours always reset when you died. Chara's...
...
Was it the child?) ]
So how did you break it? If you couldn't interact directly with anyone.
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[It wasn't the first time, of course - there were another two times when they took control. But they didn't hijack the game to the same extent - they relegated themselves to the background, only ever coming in at certain events, certain events that did not provoke any further thought as to where they came from.
And then they took control.]
I can't explain all the details - not without getting into a lot of things that I barely understand even now.
But I destroyed it.
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It isn't like Siffrin can explain all of their stuff either, not for a lack of trying-- ]
All's well that ends well, at least. [ Pr...obably. ] You broke it and monsterkind went free.
[ Right? Right. Chara saved everyone, was the bright future they hoped for, and broke a time loop to boot. ]
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Not the barrier. We broke the barrier and saved them all a number of times - they always wound up right back where we all started.
I broke the cycle. So that there would be no more resets.
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Well, that's still good. Isn't it? Siffrin thinks so. ]
Then... if someone else comes along, and they break the barrier, they'll really be free.
[ So optimistic of him to think so. ]
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What a pretty lie. Then again, it was all pretty lies from the start. Nobody will ever understand - and they do not care to cast themselves as the demon in this final exchange with someone who is almost a peer.]
Once you eliminate the guard rails, anything is possible.
The surface world is a horrific place, anyway.
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[ What if Siffrin hadn't been kind? What if he'd been someone who robbed them of all they were worth, then took off into the night? What if he'd killed them?
Naive, that's a word to use. But he's still grateful for their care. ]
Not exactly a normal place. I wouldn't say it's horrific, but it's... not always pleasant.